My son Ian is my super hero! His mind works differently than yours and mind, but let me tell you how that mind of his can amaze you. Today we got the answer to our already empty question about our son. Our son has Asperger’s Autism, let me say I am not ashamed of it or afraid to tell people about it.
Let me first tell you about how we came to this answer today! Ian was born in October of 2007 and he simply melted my heart. The love of a mother for her child is simply left unexplained-simply love at first sight. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t have our challenges that came with bring Ian home from the hospital. He cried so much, we struggled to sooth him at night, during the day and just every second of the day. They said he was colic, so we tried everything to make him comfortable but nothing worked. My first child was different, when I compared them together when it came to those milestones. Ian was advance in some areas and other area’s he was lacking.
By the time he reached his first year, that’s when I notice something was different about my son. As the years fly by, I tried so hard to convince my husband that something wasn’t right but he saw it as me being frustrated with moving away from home and being home with two kids. That was not the case! I notice how he wouldn’t hug me, kiss me, or really speak like normal one year olds would but he could climb furniture, open doors, he could not stand being dirty, things had to be in order and he figured out how to do things that were beyond his age level. Yes I should be proud of a toddler who was advance and smart, but something things just cause for concern. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t proud of him, because I was and I loved his beautiful smile. I struggle with getting him to understand what stop, freeze; don’t do that, and so much more meant. His facial expressions never matched with the issue at hand.
Frest year of 2010 Ian two years old (turns three at the end of the year) and I had my third child, Ian’s little brother Liam. At this time Ian had developed patterns that scared me. He would punch himself when he was frustrated, slam his self on the floor, bang his head and just let out a scream. Soon with Liam growing into his milestones, Ian becomes more intense for me. Soon Ian started hitting his little brother over the word “No” or over unable to accomplish what he is trying to do. His emotions were everywhere! It really broke my heart to see him hurt himself and know something wasn’t right. But again no one listen, they just thought I wasn’t able to handle him and that I was crazy. Finally I had enough and made those calls to have him tested, but he wasn’t three yet and even at the age of three they wouldn’t give him a diagnose on paper, but were told he could have Asperger’s. Now that Ian is four, we had him retested with a new doctor and in a better location. Dr. Sherman she has been wonderful with us and testing was completely different this time around. This outcome is a bittersweet deal for me; I finally shed those tears of four years. Finally someone wanted to listening and confirm what we knew, but finally it's going to be on paper. Trust me I did my own research on Asperger's and trying to understand how to help him. My son is not a bad kid, he just struggles with this world..
Moving forward
I most definitely do not want my son to grow up wearing it like a label, but for him to understand his invisible disability. I want to be honest with him and teach him about this thing called Asperger’s! I just want my son to be happy and be a kid; I want to see him smile when he is proud of him and when we are proud of him. He means so much to me, equal to my other two beautiful children. He is my special hero, who has come so far with how with having this struggling disability. I've learned it's hard to potty train, that it can last until they are 7-8 years old. Ian is potty train 98%, he has his moments only because of how he works. Distractions! He has learned to be loving, witht he help of having our last son who loves to hug. Ian seeing that affection has helped him greatly!!! I love hearing him say "I love you my Valentine, mommy your my Valentine". With all these struggles comes our home, the function of this house is high strung. I have to admit, I feel alone when it comes to helping my Ian and trying to find balance with in myself. Stress level is high, only because we lack the support and I battle with my husband who shares the very mild side of Asperger's as well. So it's tough!
Now a bit about Asperger’s, so you can understand our life.. Asperger’s Autism has been called the “Invisible Disability” because this syndrome is impossible to tell if someone has it. Why because these kids look normal and can communicate clearly as well. But what people do not see or understand about Asperger’s is these kids are bright and even gifted in many ways (Like Ian) but may struggle greatly with making and keeping friends. The social skills are hard and some kids close up in big crowds like Ian does. The social cues can be very hard and may come more slowly for children like Ian. Ian try’s hard to be involved, make friends and be a good boy. He is a good boy, just others do not understand him and I wish I could make things easier for him. Ian has to work to remain calm and handle his frustration or confusion when it comes to situations out of his control. Things like this will be a challenge for us as a family to teach him and for him to teach us to understand him on his level as well.
There will be days Ian will simply be over stimulated or irritated and might say things that sound rude or insensitive without even realizing how it might make others feel. This is something we will work hard on with him every day at home and finding new ways to improve what he has to struggle with.
As his mother I will do everything I can to help him, learn what I need to, push to get resources, I will not allow my son to be treated unfairly in this society. My promise to Ian, because he mean so much to me. Your mommy’s little hero, you go on in this world as if nothing is wrong and I want you to live life as you are. I promise to be the best mom I can be, I wont be prefect but it sure wont shine away my love for you.
Love,
Mommy
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