GoodByes

2012 has been a rough start for us, the year hasn’t reached the half-way point and we have dealt with more than our share. My days are filled with trying to teach my son Ian how to handle himself, so school can be okay for him and trying to get the help I need with all the stress that has been on my plate for years now.

Growing a business is far from easy and we always run into something else taking priority over tackling investments. But with that doesn’t short us of having friends and family who help us when we need it most. We have surely learned who we can count on!

I have been neglecting updating my blog and I am truly at fault with that. I just haven’t been able to balance it all just yet. But with that being said, bump/news/and heartache has been added to our lives. My grandmother is not doing so well, she is in really bad shape. She is suffering from congested heart failure and has fluid in her lungs. Today, I had a chance to read to her a bit while alone with her. A moment I cherish! Holding tears back as I dipped lemon swabs in water so she can have water. Watching her sleep peacefully and squeezing my hand tightly. Death is not an easy emotional or thought for me to handle. I always hide from it, but this time I could not hide I had to face it. So I did and here is what I wrote in my piece and quite time I had with my grandmother.

Grandma,

I know our family hasn’t been the best with spending time together. But today seeing you reminded me where I learn to be so giving and caring. I remember the things you told me when I was a little girl. Seeing how strong your faith was in God and how much you tried to teach us that.

I thank you for your gift of love and soon you will be sharing it from above. You always saw the good in people now matter what they have done. You would give your last dollar to help someone else before you helped yourself. We all grew to always lean on you when we needed help. Even though at times it must have felt like a ton! Again I see where I learn to be so giving, so willing, and so caring to do for others before myself.

You always told me, God will always repay us for doing rather than being selfish or blind. You always kept the family together when I was a kid and lately we have all gone our own ways. Life became too busy for all of us to stop and think about how much life was great when we were all together. It’s been way too long since I have attended a family function where we were all together like when I was 10 years old. Something I will instill in my growing family to cherish those we love.

I will forever look at this photo and remember how sad I am, how much my heart hurts and always will. But goodbyes are not forever, because I know I’ll see you someday. We must let you rest calmly.

As we say our goodbyes, with tears rolling down our faces. I know how much I need to learn that life isn’t forever and God needs you in Heaven. I am sure that place in Heaven that God has for you will have a great view so you can watch us all. I know you well, because you always will keep an eye on us.

That forever smile that was captured will forever be in my memory and always bring my heart and mind to ease. So Grandma, I must go and finish putting my kids to bed. I will never forget you and never stop loving you.

Love your grand-daughter

Jessica